Does It Ever Get Better?
It’s my mom’s birthday and I’ve been feeling all the feels. I woke up ready to celebrate her, but then my mind had its way. First up was Brandy’s, “Have you ever.” “Have you ever loved somebody so much, it makes you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad you can’t sleep at night?” Then, my mind travels to the next sad song. Beyonce’s “I miss you “ is in queue. “ I thought that things like this get better with time, but I still need you around.” My mind will not just stop there. Here comes Wayne with “Get Over.” “ Don’t amount to me not having my (momma), I know a lot of y’all got ‘em, but you need em way more when you gotta go without ‘em, and I’m without (her).” The finale happens and I totally break down after hearing, “ though I’m missing you, I’ll find a way to get through, living without you, cause you were my sister, my strength and my pride, only God may know why.” I legit had a whole playlist rolling in my mind and I cannot take it. Usually those songs help, but not today.
If my mom was here, baby we would be rolling today. We’d probably hit up Bingo, go to Texas Roadhouse and end right back up at Bingo. Now that I think about it, it’s been ages since I’ve step foot in a bingo hall. Every time I go to Texas Roadhouse I reminisce of our times there. I might even have dinner there tonight to celebrate my girl. Momma, I miss you! I miss you so much. Every time your birthday rolls around, I’m a mess. I’ve been okay so far today, but it’s still early. I can hear you in my head telling me, “ stop all that crying lil girl.” I just can’t control it though.
One of my friends recently loss her mom and she asked me, does it get better? I couldn’t lie to her and tell her that it does. Because honestly, after ten years it still hasn’t for me. I mean, you have some good days. Others not so much. I felt the urge to write it out today and I ended up here, with my thoughts all over the place. It’s so hard going on with life without someone you love. Someone you created beautiful memories with. You never thought you’d be here in this moment, but here you are. If you’re anything like me, you never even imagined the thought of losing them. And the hardest part of it all is, life doesn’t afford you the chance to create new memories with them. It doesn’t get better, so cherish every memory your mind allows me to remember. Laugh out loud at the funny memories. Cry when you need to cry. Think about the lessons they’ve taught you and even the times they made you mad. Hold on to those memories. Talk about those memories. Never let the memories die because though your loved one may be absent from the body, you betta believe they are present with the Lord.
I hope this helps someone. Encouraging others kind of helps me get through the pain. Pray for me as I celebrate my mom’s heavenly birthday. I will be praying for you as well. Drop some purple hearts and help me wish my mom a Happy Birthday!
