When you don't feel the Holiday Cheer
Merry Christmas to you and your family. I wish you nothing but holiday cheer. For me this is one of the first holiday seasons where I’m not a mess internally. See I hide my emotions, in my opinion, very well. The last few years have been extremely hard for me without my mom. The holidays were her thing. I mean she was here for it. Big dinners on Thanksgiving, beautiful decorations, family time and she LOVED giving gifts. I thought that I would honor my mom by carrying on these traditions. I thought that this being her favorite moments would make them my favorite moments and I would feel close to her. BUT….
Just the opposite happened. I had no intrest in celebrating. I wanted nothing more than to have my mom here. Knowing that wasn't an option, I opted for grinch mode. Looking back I see how ugly I had been. Not intentionally but, I was full of emotions. I would have a serious attitude, I didn't care about decorations and the fake smile I put on pierced my own heart. People say “time heals all wounds,” but it was really hard for me to believe that. What I have learned instead is that “God heals all wounds!” I am not completely healed and honestly I don't think I’ll ever be. But, I have gained peace and peace has allowed me to lose the grinch spirit and feel all the feels and authentically have a holiday cheer.
This message is for those wanting to enjoy the holidays, but you just can’t get out of your funk. Whatever the reason, I tell you to give it to God. It may not happen at the snap of your fingers, but God can change the way you feel. Your fake smile can become genuine when God is involved. I have taken my mask off this year and am truly excited to enjoy this time with my family. To those of you faking it this season, I’ve been there and I'm sending prayers up for you and my love to you. Do what feels right to you. Don't push yourself if you are not ready. And give your heart to God. He does heart surgery every single day and he can put yours back together like new. Loss hurts, having your heart shattered too, but God can heal you in time. Trust Him with your heart and ask Him for peace. Peace has given me the spirit I’ve always wished to have since I’ve loss my mom. I pray your cheerful spirit rerurns to you just as mine has. I wish you a Merry Christmas and I'm spreading holiday cheer to you. (Even if you are not ready to recieve it)
