How to Love
After realizing that choosing me should come first, but being unsure of what that looked liked, I did some deep reflection. I started to think and see me clearer like I've never have before. I’ve come to the realization that not only was I not choosing me first, there's also a void in self love. As I was listening to Lil Wayne’s How to Love, I was forced to think about how I love me. Having a seemingly normal life filled with traumatic experiences may have played a larger role in the way I love myself than I thought.
What does it me to love you? I’m sure that answer is different for everyone. But for me, so long I've been afraid to live as my true self. Like I wanted to be liked by others so I put on a facade. What hurt even more was people didn't even respect the game I played. The front wasn't getting love either. I was working so hard to show up as anything other than me and still nothing! One day I realized that I've gotta be me. Whether anyone likes that or not is up to them but, I gotta love me. God made me uniquely in his image and there aint a soul out there that could even be my stunt double. I started to view myself in the eyes of God. I see myself like He sees me. Imperfectly Perfect. Am I without flaws? Absolutely not, but I’m myself by all regards and I love her. Loving her is real. It’s an unfamiliar but wonderful experience. I feel like my wings have arrived and now I’m unstoppable. Sort of like a butterfly.
I stan butterflies. They are one of God's most beautiful creatures. The life cycle of a butterfly is one I can relate to. Although the caterpillar stage isn't flashing lights, it’s necessary. And not once have I ever heard of a butterfly wanting to rush the process. They see themselves authentically from the beginning. They know their worth at every stage and they love themselves. This teaches me to love myself even in my seemingly darkest moments. The caterpillar stage doesn't last forever, but it’s crucial. Butterflies don't have mirrors to admire themselves yet they understand their beauty from start. It isn't until they receive their wings that fly. But wings or no wings they are who they are. As I've come to embrace who I am I’ve adapted that mantra. I am who I am and I love every piece of me, wings or no wings. It's a process learning how to love yourself, but when you know better you do better. And now it’s all love. Loving me begins with choosing me first, accepting me as I am and seeing myself properly. Then like a butterfly, I take off into the sky and show the world how I love me.
