I Choose You
One of my favorite songs is Int'l Players Anthem by UGK feat Outkast. I love those infamous words “I choose you.” Although this song has nothing to do with choosing yourself, my last vibe session forced me to look at it from this perspective. How do I choose me? Recently I listened to The Escape Room with Tiny and she discussed this topic of choosing yourself. (If you haven't heard it you should definitely check it out.) She posed the question “what does choosing yourself look like?” This question invoked thought and maybe that's why I did so much thinking while listening to my song. I had to ask myself that question again, “what does choosing me look like?” Honestly I didn't have an answer at the time.
For so long choosing myself has been the furthest thing from my mind. I’m such a people pleaser, well I’m a recovering people pleaser. I’m trying to do better yall. But back to the question at hand. Choosing me? The answer to this question is different for everyone, but for me, choosing me sometimes is being a little selfish, I guess. I’m that girl that is there for everybody. I like to show up and support all those surrounding me, even when it becomes a little too much. I feel like if everyone else is ok then eventually I will too. My husband fusses at me all the time because I don’t know how to effectively use the word “no.” With every request my answer is yes. “Yadie can you, Yadie will you, Yadie you don't mind if I.” Pleasing everyone while leaving myself in dead last place. If I could even get around to her. No lie that behavior is draining. It’s exhausting to say the least.
Saying no is not a bad thing though. The bible says let your ye's be ye's and your nays be nays. It is was it is. Either you can and will or you can't and won't, either way commit to your answer. So as I am learning the power of the word NO and what choosing myself looks like, I seem a little different. Everyone doesn't have that same access to me anymore. My no game is getting stronger by the day and I’m not coming last in my own life anymore. Everything gets “better" with time, so I’m navigating my life with that mantra. When the question of what choosing me looked like was first posed, I didn't have an answer, but as I take the time to actually think about it and intentionally choose me, I’m learning more and more about myself and what that actually looks like for me. That people pleaser still takes up residence inside of me, but with everyday I feel it shrinking more and more. I’m boldly telling myself in the words of UGK “I choose you!"
So I have to ask you, how often are you choosing you? What does choosing you look like for you?
